


Long black Road

by FrancesVoorhees



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Mark of Cain, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrancesVoorhees/pseuds/FrancesVoorhees
Summary: Dean Winchester isn´t the man he used to be anymore... his girlfriend and his brother are concerned what might happen to him - even the King of Hell himself starts wondering what effect the Mark of Cain still has on Dean after he killed Cain. Where is this long black road leading to?





	Long black Road

He was sitting in the Impala, driving down the road with high speed, exceeding the speed limit. The music was blasting loud out of the speakers, his fingers trembling on the steering wheel. He wasn´t sure where to go or what to do. Everything was in some kind of a blur, the feelings non-existent. Why was everybody telling him what to do, what to feel? He was sick of it, so fucking sick. Somehow he felt cold – on the inside as well as on the outside. Was this his dark side trying to return? Well, this would be just great. Everybody would be so thrilled. His eyelids were starting to feel heavy. Sleep would be such a relief right now. Drifting away into oblivion... what would work way better with some booze. But he promised his brother and girlfriend to quit the booze. The only problem was: the craving was getting too much to handle. He didn´t know how much longer he could hold on anymore, how much longer he could resist the urge to get a drink or two. The mark on his arm startet pulsing in approval. ´Just stop at the next gas station and get yourself some poison` the voice in his head whispered. ´You know you want it Dean, you need it!` "Stop it!!" Dean yelled at his reflection in the rear mirror. "I promised them not to do it anymore...  
I can´t let them down again.". The tremor in his hands was getting so strong,that he needed to pull the Impala over to the side of the road. "Fuck..." he muttered to himself. Dean patted the pockets of his jacket, looking for the flask he used to always carry with him. It wasn´t there anymore – of course...he had gotten rid of it to keep his promise to Sam and Y/N. Nausea and cold sweat were starting to build, his head was spinning. "I can´t handle this...I need a fucking drink.." Dean started the car and drove towards the next gas station., going to buy some whiskey.  
20 minutes later, he was sitting back in the car, a paper bag filled with two six-packs of beer and three bottles of Jack on the passengers seat. His next stop was the nearest motel, he didn´t want to return to the bunker yet, didn´t want to see the accusing and disappointed faces of Sam and Y/N if they saw that he bought booze again. Dean also didn´t want to lie to them. "God...I´m so pathetic..." he thought to himself. But his thought was gone the second he sat down on the bed in the motel and opened the first bottle of Jack. He took a long deep gulp straight out of the bottle, welcoming the familiar burnt of the alcohol. ´That´s it Dean, that´s your poison. You finally gave into it. But maybe you need something stronger soon...`. The voice in his head was talking to him again, encouraging him to embrace his dark side once again. Dean wanted the voice to shut up, so he drank half of the bottle in one long gulp until there was nearly nothing left. He wasn´t really surprised that he couldn´t feel the effects of the alcohol which still burnt in his throat and stomach. After all, he was a functional alcoholic and he needed way more booze before he was beginning to feel dizzy. It was disappointing somehow but Dean still opened the second bottle and again drank straight out of it, trying to reach the state of oblivion he was craving for but it was getting harder and harder. Why couldn´t he feel the buzz anymore? This sucked big time. He constantly needed bigger amounts to feel anything anymore. There was a time not too long ago when he and Sammy only drank a few beer and it rushed to his head immediately. But this was long over. Now he could drink two bottles of whiskey and a few beers to feel a little bit of a buzz at all. Minutes passed as well as the amount of booze. Slowly he could feel the effect of it. Finally. It took long enough for it to start working. Just as he was ready to get some sleep, his phone started buzzing besides him. Y/N picture was shown on Dean´s display. ´Great...I hope I don´t sound drunk` he thought before answering the call. "Hey baby, what´s up?" he tried to sound as normal as possible. "Hey honey, I just wanted to check in, you´re not back yet. Are you ok?" Dean sighed slightly. "Yeah, I´m good. Need to check out a few things but then I´m heading back. How are you and Sam?" "We´re fine. We miss you though. How long does it take you to come home?" He paused, not knowing what to tell her. It was impossible for him to tell her the truth. How could he possibly tell her that he was on booze again and that he already drank that much without even slurring the slightest bit? She wouldn´t understand, hell...she would yell at him for being so stupid. ´Then you should just kill her. And Sam. Then you can drink and fuck around as much as you want to. Or maybe you just take something way stronger so you don´t care about anything anymore.` There was the voice again. Dean tried to ignore it. He completely forgot that Y/N was at the other end of the line waiting for his response. "Dean? You still with me?" "What? Oh...yeah, I´m here. Sorry, got lost in thought. I try to come back as soon as possbible. Love you baby." "I love you too, Dean. Please hurry and come back home in once piece soon."  
Right after hanging the call up, he grabbed another bottle and started on drinking it. Dean rubbed his arm where the mark was absent-minded, the burning still there.  
´You´re pathetic Dean! Lying to your girlfriend` he thought bitterly. "Fuck it! Fucking stop it and get your shit together!" He yelled and threw an empty bottle against the wall of the motel room where it splattered into thousand pieces. Dean began pacing the room up and down, not sure of his next step. Sleeping wasn´t an option anymore.´Go to some bar and find yourself some stronger poison. You need it. You can´t handle yourself without some help.` There it was again, the goddamn voice in his head. "No....no I can´t do that. If I start there´s no going back..." he muttered to himself....

**Author's Note:**

> I don´t own any of the Characters or Supernatural except the ones I invented


End file.
